Saying Goodbye to Mae

Years ago, when I was living in Santa Fe, I decided that I wanted to have a dog. I have a crazy parrot and he'd always been scared of other animals so I wanted to find a small dog that he could get used to more easily. I decided a Chihuahua or Chi mix would be perfect for Oscar and me so I went online and found Chihuahua Rescue and Transport. I filled out an adoption application and crossed my fingers. Shortly thereafter I received news of a scheduled visit from a CRT representative to make sure that my home was suitable for one of the rescued dogs. Two women and two Chihuahuas arrived at my home in the Spring of 2000 and one Chihuahua and two women left that day. I had not been told that they were bringing a potential dog so it was a wonderful surprise when Mae burst into my life bringing love and joy with her. The moment that she jumped out of the car she ran right to me as though she were arriving home after a long journey. The two women were flabbergasted because apparently this was not normal behavior for the dog they'd been calling "Mandy". The moment that I sat down that gorgeous little dog jumped from the floor, up into my lap and directly into my heart.

I found out that day that Mae had been found running by the side of the highway in Las Cruces, New Mexico by a kindly truck driver. Apparently she did not try to run away from the driver when he stopped to pick her up. Mae was a dog on a mission. She'd been terribly malnourished and she'd had heartworm and mange. Mae was taken in and healed of all of her maladies and then delivered to my door at the approximate age of seven and a half. Since that time she's driven across the country to NYC, she's flown to Miami, Austin, Paris and the Island of Capri in Italy. My wonderful little bean was adored by numerous people and animals all around the world.

On the morning of February 3rd, 2008, last Sunday, Mae went to the hospital and did not leave. Mae is in my heart and I take comfort in the feeling that we will most certainly meet again. I love you Mae, now and forever.

I lost my kitten, Little Buddy, almost exactly one year ago Below is an excerpt from a post I'd written at that time about dealing with pet loss;

I have found that some people do not understand the grief that I feel. "Psychologists have long recognized that the grief suffered by pet owners after their pet dies is the same as that experienced after the death of a person. The death of a pet means the loss of a non-judgmental love source." ~ Margaret Muns DVM

There are books about it and support websites to help with the grief and feelings of guilt. If any of you have lost a pet, and are finding that you feel tremendous grief and/or guilt, there are some links below that may help you. I find "The Rainbow Bridge" to be particularly comforting to read. It may sound silly but it does bring hope to my heart.

May you abide in joy one and all.

http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

http://www.petloss.com/muns.htm

http://www.chihuahua-rescue.com/

Fantastic Gifts

My best friend Pam is one awesome lady. She gave me an early birthday present that was truly fantastic. She gave me an appointment with her "pet communicator". I honestly wasn't entirely sure what to expect... I knew that it would be very interesting but I had no idea how relieving it would be. Y'all might think I am crazy (pardon my y'alls I just returned from Austin) and that's fine, I am proud of my kookiness. I will tell you right now that I am 100% certain that she was speaking to my Little Buddy and my precious lil' geriatric Chihuahua, Mae.
Patty started our phone conversation with some very poignant messages from my Little Buddy, who recently passed at the way too early age of four months. All that I can tell you is that I cried a lot and I did receive some answers too. After I asked a few questions of Buddy I moved on to Mae. I asked Patty to ask her if she minded very much staying with my Mom (who is the only person that she will stay with at all.) Her answer truly floored me. First she said no, that she did not mind, and then she said that she likes chicken. My Mom feeds her chicken every single time that Mae stays with her. When I pick her up after a visit she always laughs and tells me how much Mae enjoyed her chicken.
Patty also gave me some very helpful information about Mae's health and comfort. She recommended that Mae see an animal chiropractor or acupuncturist or both. She also mentioned some flower essences that might help with some of her issues. All in all it was an amazing experience that I will most certainly revisit. My next appointment will focus on my crazy feather pluckin' parrot, Oscar. I look forward to speaking with Patty again. Oh and, by the way, she's also a really cool person to chat with. If you love animals then you'll surely love Patty, she totally rocks!
The conversation with my Lil' Buddy have alleviated a huge amount of my grief. I still miss him, but when I think about him now I am able to focus on the warmth and joy that his presence in my life gave me so readily. I personally believe in reincarnation and I am quite certain that B will come back to me. That being said I also feel his love in my heart right this very minute too. His passing was a hard core test of my emergency dealing system as well as my belief system. My conversation with Patty helped me remember my Truth and put it more firmly into my 'bones' if you will.

Abide in Joy!

http://www.psanimal.com/

Emotional Rescue

Tragedy struck my happy little universe a few weeks ago. My precious itty bitty kitty, Buddy-Licious, injured his back and two days later his beautiful soul was released from his tiny body, by way of injection, at a hospital in New Jersey. It was a very trying ordeal and the week following was no picnic either. Just so you know, Buddy was an amazing little kitty who stole the heart of anyone who dared cross his path. He was the most wonderfully affectionate little creature I have ever met and as you can see from his photo he was one of the cutest as well. So anyway, needless to say, I have been grieving pretty intensely. As I walk around my house I can see my precious B running around after me, sleeping, eating and playing. The memories tear my heart. In the beginning I simply could not stop crying, well sobbing actually. I am reasonably certain that my B has moved on to do his good work elsewhere and he is fine, I just miss him like crazy.

At first I felt that all joy had evacuated from my life, never to return. The anguish engulfed, or rather I allowed the anguish to engulf me. I did not have control over the feelings of loss and sadness. However, I absolutely did had control over the degree of control that I allowed them to have over me. I witnessed my grieving and began to feel the need to reign it in before it turned into a bout of depression. So, I began writing in my gratitude journal again. I started by writing a thank you letter to Little Buddy for the incredible gift of his love and joyful presence. I cried but I also felt intense gratitude which has begun to heal my aching heart.

Several days later I was having a conversation with a friend about gratitude among other things. In the middle of the conversation I suddenly understood one of the lessons that I could choose to take from my Little Buddy's passing. For some time I had been making a conscious choice to live a joy-filled life. I had decided to choose happiness and joy and gratitude as a way of life. When everything was reasonably good it was an easy choice. I had truly started to become a more tolerant, relaxed and happy person. Everything really seemed to go my way. When my precious B died it felt as though the rug had been pulled from under my feet. I felt that I was being punished for something that I had done. My mind tried to go there but, thank goodness, I did not allow it to take up residence. I cycled through the different stages of grieving. (I still am actually.) I felt the pain that felt like it was killing me... and then I came out the other side. I won that battle.

I feel sadness when I remember having my Little Buddy constantly around me. Sometimes a lot and sometimes not as much. I will probably miss him forever. My dear old Dad still misses his childhood pup Skippy and he's in his seventies. But, even so, I choose to live a life of joy and gratitude and it's not dependant on everything always going my way. It's dependant on absolutely nothing. It's a choice that I must recommit to on a daily basis. It's a choice that I must honor. It's a choice that I must work for and allow. Now that choice is coming to my emotional rescue when I most need it. Yay for me! I have not lost my way in the forest of my grief and anguish. I am spending the time that I need to there and then I am coming back out into the light again. Kinda like a healthy person... amazing!

Thank you B, you made my life a better place. I miss you like crazy and I will always be grateful for the short time that I had with you my Angel Buddy.

I have found that some people do not understand the grief that I feel. "Psychologists have long recognized that the grief suffered by pet owners after their pet dies is the same as that experienced after the death of a person. The death of a pet means the loss of a non-judgmental love source." ~ Margaret Muns DVM

There are books about it and support websites to help with the grief and feelings of guilt. If any of you have lost a pet, and are finding that you feel tremendous grief and/or guilt, there are some links below that may help you. I find "The Rainbow Bridge" to be particularly comforting to read. It may sound silly but it does bring hope to my heart.

May you abide in joy one and all.

http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

http://www.petloss.com/muns.htm

http://www.petloss.com/dealing.htm