Finding My Inner Yogini

I had my first Hatha Yoga experience somewhere around the age of eleven or twelve. I was visiting my father at the ashram where he was living. My cousin had introduced him to her Guru and he never looked back. From that time on he lived primarily in ashrams, in the United States as well as in India. Slowly family members began following his lead and soon my entire family were living at the ashram. The clothing in the ashram was extremely modest in those days, the Hatha Yoga teacher would wear a floor length skirt and a long sleeved blouse and the demonstrator usually wore a punjabi. I remember most clearly the guided savasana and the powerful effect that her words had on my body. I actually still use several of that teacher's phrases in my own relaxation. I can still hear her soft reassuring voice in my head as I guide myself into Savasana.

I have spent most of my life traveling and moving around, first with my family and then on my own. The longest time that I've spent living in an ashram was a little over two and a half years, I am the exception in my family. Anyway, it was during that particular time that I trained to be a Hatha Yoga teacher. For a brief period I taught my own classes but I preferred giving private lessons and adjusting for other teachers' classes. I do not really enjoy public speaking and simply feel more comfortable working one on one with people. At that time I was living in India and the rooms the teachers were given to practice in were in a beautiful small house surrounded by Plumeria trees. If you are unfamiliar with Plumeria trees they are flowering trees and the blooms are gorgeous and fragrant! It was a heavenly experience to be sure!

At that time I had a truly fantastic and wonderfully motivating teacher. His depth of understanding the body and the postures as well as his conveyance of that knowledge into his students' bodies is truly phenomenal. He has his own school now and I could not be happier or more grateful to have worked with him. Digressing! Since then I have moved numerous times and arisen from many an ash pile as the Phoenix reborn! Hatha Yoga pops in and out of my life like a good old friend that doesn't need constant attention to stay close to my heart. Also my old teacher's voice has never left my head. His words and his principles were so firmly planted in my body that every time I practice, if I focus, my body practically self adjusts!

About a year and a half ago I began to recreate myself yet again! I started keeping a gratitude journal, taking better care of my body and mind and meditating regularly again. I also started playing with my dog as a form of exercise which I highly recommend. After awhile playing with my dog opened out into really just spontaneous playing. I started skipping around and doing cartwheels and somersaults, like a young girl! In the winter, my precious pup and I would tumble and roll around in the snow. I learned that I could actually enjoy cold weather, which I never had before. It was amazing and inspiring and it helped me to open up my heart to my own self! Wah!

Finally this Spring I was playing with the dogs outside when suddenly I just felt like breakin' into Surya Namaskar... so I did. Now I do my practice outside, right on the grass, nearly every day and I have never enjoyed Hatha Yoga more. At 39 I feel more connected to my body, the postures and the shakti than I have ever felt before. I am also stronger and more flexible than I've ever been and people tell me I look fantastic, which isn't neccessary but it certainly feels good. Through the ebb and flow of my ever-changing life, I will always have Hatha Yoga to come home to. I've found my inner yogini this summer and though it's likely that she will disappear again I know she'll always be there when I truly need her. Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jai!

Growing into Freedom

I remember riding in the car as a young child and staring, with the focus of a mind reader, at the passing billboards and signs trying to decipher their meaning. I was desperate to learn how to read so when I finally did conquer the mysteries of the written word I ate up books like candy. I joyfully devoured Greek mythology and then I moved on to Roman mythology. I was not as impressed with Roman mythology but I read on regardless. I just really enjoyed reading myths for some reason. When I was about eight years old my family began attending church services on a regular basis. Of course I read the Bible stories and I guess because of my love of mythology I understood them to be Christian mythology. The lessons were kind of similar and the stories were fantastical much like the other myths that I had read. And then going to church seemed to be mostly a social affair with some lecturing and advice thrown in for good measure. Oddly enough, I don't remember ever really thinking that seriously about God when I was in church. Perhaps for these reasons or perhaps because it was simply not my destiny, or karma, Christianity never really clicked with me. Though I did enjoy the experience and I even got to be an acolyte a for a short while which was great fun.

I met my spiritual teacher when I was about twelve. The experience of my spiritual awakening was not a cosmic circus of blue lights and levitation. It was a profound relief and a feeling that I had finally come home. Eastern philosophy was a new path for me but it didn't feel new, it felt completely natural. There were wonderful stories to enjoy on this path as well but the experience of the Truth was the paramount goal and the methods to attain that goal were quite enjoyable for the most part. I was never an early bird but, luckily for me, I didn't have to be. I must admit that meditating did not always come easily to me. In fact it took me many years to actually crave meditation on a regular basis. Chanting, on the other hand, was heavenly and I could do it anytime and anywhere.

The first chant that I ever attended was Hare Krishna. I was eleven when my dad had brought my sister and I to an ashram for the first time. My cousin had introduced him to the guru and he was pretty much instantly absorbed into his spiritual path. I remember the chanting hall was dimly lit and smelled of sandalwood incense which at the time seemed wonderfully mystical and exotic. I think I tried to follow along for awhile but it was late and I was tired so my dad wrapped me in a blanket and I laid my head in his lap and fell fast asleep. It was the most glorious sleep that I had ever experienced not to mention one of my favorite memories of time spent with dad.

Some months after I returned home from that journey my brother, I think it was my brother, sent me; a photo of the guru, a tape of a slow chant and a beautiful little puja rug. It was a wonderful gift and I put it all to great use. I cleared out half of my closet and created a tiny chanting cave or sacred space if you will. I remember going into my little cave and chanting with great abandon and then dutifully trying to meditate. And so started my spiritual journey. I met my teacher about a year later.

My dad had begun traveling with the guru so visiting dad became a visit to the ashram. There were programs held every evening at that time which included chanting, meditation and spiritual discourse. We did seva, aka selfless service, for a couple of hours a day and sometimes there were Hatha Yoga classes. Spirituality was infused into every aspect of daily life. At the end of every evening program there was darshan, which was a time when one had the opportunity to go in front of the guru and ask a question, just say hello or whatever. As a child, darshan was an especially wonderful experience. I just soaked in the love that poured out of Baba. For me he was a bit like a really loving grandfather whose gifts were far greater than any toy or bauble. Although he did, often times, actually give people presents to boot.
The understanding of God and spirituality at the ashram clicked for me in a way that I had not felt before. That being said, I also was certainly no 'little miss dharmic yogini' neither as a child nor as a teen. I ebbed and flowed like any youngster does... I guess I still do! Ha! Anyway, most of my family ended up living in the ashram or traveling with the guru for many years. My cousin, one sister and my dad lived in this way for over twenty years. My mom and other siblings each for somewhere between ten and twenty years.

The longest period of time that I lived in an ashram was just under three years. For me this was a record! In the past thirty years I haven't lived consistently in any one place for longer than six years and most places for less than three. Not since I left Philadelphia at the ripe old age of nine! I digress... Each time, however brief or long, that I lived in the ashram brought more insights and understanding. Each time that I lived outside of the ashram gave me the opportunity to utilize my new tools. My last extended stay at the ashram my teacher told me that I would have to start looking to my inner guru for answers. It was somewhat frightening but overall an empowering experience to hear those words from my guru who had given me such wonderful guidance for so many years.

That was about thirteen years ago. In the past thirteen years I have continued ebbing and flowing my way towards my true self. Every year the insights seem to be more plentiful and more frequent. I find inspiration in some pretty unusual places and I am learning how to guide and choose my feelings. I am starting to understand, after all of these years, how to truly love and acknowledge myself. I feel my connection so strongly and so much more consistently than I ever have before. Almost as if it was the most natural state in the cosmos! Go figure...

A few weeks ago I was contemplating an idea for a design based on freedom. (I create designs for t-shirts and gifty stuff) I was thinking about an eagle because I actually have a couple of eagles nesting not too far from me and every time that I see them I feel such a rush of joy and awe. So anyway, as I was thinking about what I wanted to do, "Freedom is a choice" popped into my head. (It's an adaptation of an Abraham Lincoln quote; "Happiness is a choice.") As I contemplated those words I felt very light. Freedom really is a choice. I realized that for the past nine months or so I have been actively working on choosing freedom. Freedom from my habits. Freedom from speculation. Freedom from my inner critic. Freedom from the part of me that wants to be right.
I am finding that it gets easier with time. I still have all of the unwanted thoughts popping into my head but the difference is I choose not to engage with them nearly as often as I used to. I am learning and creating tools to allow them to pop right back out again so that I can focus on the truth. I already am free. I just have to choose and be present in my freedom so I can enjoy the ride and continue with the business of creating my beautiful life.

Gratitude Revisited

You might think this topic would be more appropriate at Thanksgiving time... I beg to differ. This is a year round topic, it is a New Years Resolution topic. I don't generally do New Years Resolutions but this year will be my first really genuine one.

Many years ago I was living in an ashram in India. One sunny day I was sitting in a beautiful marble courtyard listening to my teacher who was giving a talk on the subject of gratitude. I became increasingly intrigued as she spoke about the joy that true gratitude offers. She told us that this was a spiritual experience that could be cultivated over time. I really wanted the experience that she described. So, I decided to attempt to cultivate the experience of gratitude. Every day I would approach my teacher and as I placed my head on the floor in front of her I said silently to myself, "Thank you!". It was no stretch to feel grateful to my teacher, I already felt that, but that feeling was not exactly what she had described in her talk. Still it made my chosen task pretty easy. About two weeks after I'd begun my silent gratitude I went and placed my head at the feet of my teacher and I said my silent "thank you" as always. This time, however, I received a burst of joy that would melt any heart, perhaps every heart on the planet!

After I got up and moved myself along I went to a chant that I attended every day at that time. I was giddy with joy as I looked around the room. Every person I saw glowed with golden light, I am not joking, golden light! I swear to God that for the next few weeks I was completely filled with love and joy. It was such a wonderful and powerful experience that when I contemplate it, even all these years later, I start to feel the joy again. It really gave me insight into the whole count your blessings thing. And yet oddly enough I somehow forgot about it again for quite a few years.

Then I bought the dvd "The Secret" and it re-opened the subject. I watched it every day for over a month. It completely changed my outlook which at the time was not fantastic. It was exactly the spiritual boost I had been looking for. Phew! Out of that experience came my gratitude journal. I decided that the only way that I would be able to maintain the practice of counting my blessings every day would be to write them down. I took direction from my past experience and of course from "The Secret" teachers and I started writing "Thank You for..." in a journal. I have been doing it every day since. Not because I feel obligated but because I feel freakin' amazing! On days when I do not feel 'juiced' I read what I have written on previous days and boy does that juice start flowing! Then I write a few pages and you cannot believe what a powerful and fantastic practice this is.

If you don't know what I am talking about then try it. Get a journal and just start writing about the things that you are grateful for every day. See what happens! You will be truly amazed. Also check out "The Secret" if by some remarkable chance you haven't already. I was so inspired that I started a new business designing t-shirts.(TempleGreen.Com) I have never been more joyful and at ease, for this extended a period of time, in my entire life. I take "Follow Your Bliss" very seriously these days. Well... seriously may not be the best word, I try not to take anything too seriously. I'll just say that I definitely follow my bliss now and it feels pretty darn fantastic!

http://www.thesecret.tv/

http://www.jcf.org/bliss.php

http://www.todoinstitute.org/gratitude.htm

http://www.templegreen.com