Finding My Inner Yogini

I had my first Hatha Yoga experience somewhere around the age of eleven or twelve. I was visiting my father at the ashram where he was living. My cousin had introduced him to her Guru and he never looked back. From that time on he lived primarily in ashrams, in the United States as well as in India. Slowly family members began following his lead and soon my entire family were living at the ashram. The clothing in the ashram was extremely modest in those days, the Hatha Yoga teacher would wear a floor length skirt and a long sleeved blouse and the demonstrator usually wore a punjabi. I remember most clearly the guided savasana and the powerful effect that her words had on my body. I actually still use several of that teacher's phrases in my own relaxation. I can still hear her soft reassuring voice in my head as I guide myself into Savasana.

I have spent most of my life traveling and moving around, first with my family and then on my own. The longest time that I've spent living in an ashram was a little over two and a half years, I am the exception in my family. Anyway, it was during that particular time that I trained to be a Hatha Yoga teacher. For a brief period I taught my own classes but I preferred giving private lessons and adjusting for other teachers' classes. I do not really enjoy public speaking and simply feel more comfortable working one on one with people. At that time I was living in India and the rooms the teachers were given to practice in were in a beautiful small house surrounded by Plumeria trees. If you are unfamiliar with Plumeria trees they are flowering trees and the blooms are gorgeous and fragrant! It was a heavenly experience to be sure!

At that time I had a truly fantastic and wonderfully motivating teacher. His depth of understanding the body and the postures as well as his conveyance of that knowledge into his students' bodies is truly phenomenal. He has his own school now and I could not be happier or more grateful to have worked with him. Digressing! Since then I have moved numerous times and arisen from many an ash pile as the Phoenix reborn! Hatha Yoga pops in and out of my life like a good old friend that doesn't need constant attention to stay close to my heart. Also my old teacher's voice has never left my head. His words and his principles were so firmly planted in my body that every time I practice, if I focus, my body practically self adjusts!

About a year and a half ago I began to recreate myself yet again! I started keeping a gratitude journal, taking better care of my body and mind and meditating regularly again. I also started playing with my dog as a form of exercise which I highly recommend. After awhile playing with my dog opened out into really just spontaneous playing. I started skipping around and doing cartwheels and somersaults, like a young girl! In the winter, my precious pup and I would tumble and roll around in the snow. I learned that I could actually enjoy cold weather, which I never had before. It was amazing and inspiring and it helped me to open up my heart to my own self! Wah!

Finally this Spring I was playing with the dogs outside when suddenly I just felt like breakin' into Surya Namaskar... so I did. Now I do my practice outside, right on the grass, nearly every day and I have never enjoyed Hatha Yoga more. At 39 I feel more connected to my body, the postures and the shakti than I have ever felt before. I am also stronger and more flexible than I've ever been and people tell me I look fantastic, which isn't neccessary but it certainly feels good. Through the ebb and flow of my ever-changing life, I will always have Hatha Yoga to come home to. I've found my inner yogini this summer and though it's likely that she will disappear again I know she'll always be there when I truly need her. Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jai!

Aaah! The Power and Wisdom of Intention

I first watched The Secret a little over a year ago. After my first viewing I watched it every day for over a month. I tried creating a vision board but ended up with a collage of a magical garden with a hummingbird and my teacher and Lakshmi hanging out with me and my best friend Pam. It's quite beautiful and everyone loved it so much that I made one for my mom for her birthday. I actually didn't really feel that I had accomplished what I had set out to do but I loved the collage and that was great.

At the same time I went through some magazines and picked out a few pages with photos of things that I wanted to change in my life. I only remember two of the pages one was a woman doing yoga and one was a photo of some healthy looking organic food. Lastly I wrote in a gratitude journal every day for a few months and then off and on for the past year or so. In my gratitude journal I write about the love that I feel radiating from inside and out. I express gratitude for my healthy, strong, lithe and beautiful body mind and spirit. I say thank you for the ease with which I walk through this life. There are other things but those are the constants.

Here I am about a year from the first time I watched The Secret. Let's see... I am doing yoga every day because I feel like doing it not because I feel I should be doing it. I feel stronger and more present in my postures than I ever have and I actually taught yoga many years ago! I eat almost entirely organic and my overall diet is much more healthy, again because I crave these foods now. I do my yoga practice in a garden where there are, I'm not kidding, two or three hummingbirds buzzing around and occasionally alighting on a branch near me. There is a baby bunny who pops out once in awhile and has actually fallen asleep near me. Majestic eagles soar above me almost every day. One day two baby deer were laying down in the field next to me quietly watching. Could this garden be any more magical? I find heart shapes everywhere. If you want to see a couple more of them go to this posting. You will likely be surprised. I still get these hearts all the time.

I am more relaxed and calm than I have ever been. My family and friends have all noted and praised the change in me. More importantly I have noted the change in me. After many years of being told that I must first love myself... I DO! I really do feel incredible love for myself. I still get the old crap rearing it's head occasionally but it has so much less power than ever before. I might listen for an hour or so now and then I just go outside and reconnect with myself and get back to creating my beautiful life. I am happy and grateful to be manifesting love, joy and magical gardens. Oh yes and, of course, a healthy, strong, lithe and beautiful body, mind and spirit!

I Saw Tammy Faye Doing Yoga

Recently a TV program that I had recorded on my dvr ended and suddenly Tammy Faye's smiling face was in front of me, larger than life. I must say that I've always had a lot of respect for Tammy Faye, she was an amazing woman who radiated love and acceptance. And though I generally try to avoid wacky reality TV, I've found myself lingering on her televised escapades from time to time. She always seemed to me to be a lovely, kind and wonderfully kooky soul. (She passed away on July 20th, 2007. You go girl!) Anyway, I digress... a lot. The program was about the various ways that Tammy Faye was trying to heal herself. In the ten or fifteen minutes that I watched she had some acupressure done and she went to a yoga teacher to learn meditation. Her daughter Tammy Sue had suggested the yoga teacher. The last thing that I saw was Tammy Faye saying that, if nothing else, the yoga and meditation had definitely made the chemo easier for her to handle.

The next day, after my own yoga practice, I was meditating on the grass. Just as I was emerging my beagle, Duda, started barking wildly and went tearing off to the fence where a precious Puggle and the couple who were walking him stood. I looked back at them and the man smiled and gave a friendly wave so I waved back, got up and strolled over to say hello. The young couple, Dave and Sharon, were finishing up college in Long Island and they were up here, in the Catskills, visiting Dave's grandmother. We started conversing about rescues because both of my pups were rescues and Fleck was too. We discussed organic dog food and I was so pleased to hear of more dog owners who put a good deal of consideration into their dog's diet. After all, dogs deserve to enjoy their food and maintain good health too, we all agreed.

After awhile I invited them to bring Fleck into the yard to play with Duda for a bit. They did and we conversed awhile longer. We spoke about buying dog food from small company's which led to a discussion about corporation's which led to me telling them about the film The Corporation. Finally we talked about how amazing it is that people are really becoming more and more aware and awake. We all felt that the world around us really is changing in a positive way. Then I asked if they had seen The Secret. Sharon smiled and said that she had the book and she'd been lent a copy of the dvd by Dave's grandmother. Dave said that he hadn't watched it because he felt that he already believed these things and didn't need confirmation. I laughed and told Dave that I had a spiritual teacher since I was eleven and that I watched The Secret every day for over a month after seeing it for the first time. I explained the reason I loved it so much was not because it was new information to me, it really wasn't. The reason that I enjoyed it so much is that it confirms, for me, everything that I know in my heart to be true. It's really just a bunch of phenomenal teachers speaking from their heart and offering their knowledge from the work that they have done on themselves. The light in each of them is evident and when you put them all together in The Secret, the light is blinding. The reason that I watched it every day for over a month was because changing habits takes repetition, and I wanted to change some old habits! Thirty dollars is a bargain for a tool to help me with that, if you ask me.

A friend of mine told me that he had heard someone claim that The Secret was brainwashing. Well, sugar, I can't speak for anyone but myself but I will say this... Wash My Brain. Clean away the negative self talk, the low self esteem, the reveling in resentment and anger and the creepy desires to feel superior or inferior or whatever bizarre silliness my brain comes up with next. Bring on the brainwashing machine and wash away! I am ready to feel strong, empowered and joyful. And as a very pragmatic friend of mine said on the subject of The Secret, "Even if you don't end up getting everything that you are asking for, well, you just feel better about your life. What's to lose?" Yup, it's pretty much a win/win.

I warned you about my digressive tendencies! Back to Sharon and Dave and our conversation. Dave became excited to watch The Secret and said that he would do so that very evening. Our conversation turned again to how things are changing and people are growing and ideas are flowing. I mentioned that I had seen Tammy Faye getting acupressure and doing yoga and we discussed how wild that was. Also the popularity of The Secret and other such films. Not to mention the popularity of yoga, meditation and (so called) alternative therapies. I mentioned that I design t-shirts with the intention to inspire and bring joy. Sharon chimed in that my t-shirts would be great for Dave's grandmother to wear at her yoga class. lol

I can only speak from my perceptions and experience. In my 39 years I have watched public perceptions of yoga, meditation, (so called) alternative medicines and (so called) alternative lifestyles metamorphose from feared to tolerated to accepted to embraced. And I saw Tammy Faye doing yoga, baby! Rock on, Tammy Faye, wherever you are. Change is here and change is now and I want to express my gratitude to every person that intended this and every person who manifested this and continues to do so, including myself! We are on our way gang! Keep up the good work!

Allowing... Accepting with Love

The other day when I was just beginning my hatha yoga practice on the soft grass in my neighbors back yard one of our resident eagles flew over. My neighbors have granted me access to their property which is quite lovely and brimming with magical loving energy. True. Their family were the only people to own the property (since Native Americans didn't claim ownership to land.) They are a wonderful, loving and accepting family and the land radiates with their energy. I paused my practice and sat down to enjoy the breathtaking sight of an eagle in flight. For me it literally takes my breath away to watch an eagle soaring majestically through the sky.

The eagle stuck around for longer than usual and was circling the lake when another eagle showed up and I watched mesmerized as they danced in the air like angels swooping, circling and swooping by each other. Wah! I felt such peace and joy to watch the beautiful couple playing amongst the clouds. As I sat in awe it occurred to me that the eagles flight appeared effortless. I examined the way they allowed the wind to do most of the work while they simply rode the currents. Then I started thinking about the past year and how many times I had seen images of birds in the clouds and actual birds and eagles had appeared at the most strategic moments. I suddenly realized that the message I was being given was a message of allowing.

I have tendencies towards pushing against things that I do not want. My mom was a huge activist and did get a lot that she set out to do accomplished. She is warm and loving as well as strong and intense and I love very much. However I watched her and other activists push against the world to little avail. I have not become a grand activist like my mother but I do still have the tendency in me to think in this manner. I see things I do not like and I want to scream and yell. Sometimes I have, it hasn't been terribly effective. lol Sometimes I look around and I am furious with the things that have manifested in this world. Normally rage turned to despair and I was wracked with pain over things that I could not fix.

So as I watched the eagles dance above the lake I decided that allowing was my new game. It isn't really new, per se, just newly renovated. It is almost the same as self effort and grace (funny I just realized that my design for that of course is a heart with large multi-colored wings) but allowing is even more. I frequently become agitated when people drive past my house very quickly and recklessly. I live on a small country road and there are many creatures and people walking on the road. Now whenever someone drives by in this manner I focus my energy and think to myself that I am a peace bomb. I watch the peaceful energy radiate from me like a nuclear blast and I watch it roll over the car. It is so much nicer than becoming agitated. I don't know if people are driving any more reasonably but I will say that I now see police cars driving by more often and for sure that will help! Yay for the peace bomb!

Another experience I had was when I was driving and in a hurry one day. I was becoming quite irritated with the cars around me and it did not feel good. So I decided to try something new. I started chanting "Vitthale, Vitthale, Vitthale, Vitthale, Jai Jai Vitthale!" which is one of my favorite chants. It is lively, fun and it fills me with joy. As I chanted I thought to myself how much better I felt in only moments and I realized that my hurrying was completely unnecessary. I felt so powerful at that moment. I do not have to be controlled by my emotions. I can allow the world around me to just be okay the way it is right now and I can allow myself to be happy and okay. I can do that.

I do not mean to say that I want to walk through this life blind to the things that I am not wanting. I still am striving to be the change that I want to see in the world. I am just doing it in a much more happy and relaxed state of being! Jai Jai Vitthale!

Growing into Freedom

I remember riding in the car as a young child and staring, with the focus of a mind reader, at the passing billboards and signs trying to decipher their meaning. I was desperate to learn how to read so when I finally did conquer the mysteries of the written word I ate up books like candy. I joyfully devoured Greek mythology and then I moved on to Roman mythology. I was not as impressed with Roman mythology but I read on regardless. I just really enjoyed reading myths for some reason. When I was about eight years old my family began attending church services on a regular basis. Of course I read the Bible stories and I guess because of my love of mythology I understood them to be Christian mythology. The lessons were kind of similar and the stories were fantastical much like the other myths that I had read. And then going to church seemed to be mostly a social affair with some lecturing and advice thrown in for good measure. Oddly enough, I don't remember ever really thinking that seriously about God when I was in church. Perhaps for these reasons or perhaps because it was simply not my destiny, or karma, Christianity never really clicked with me. Though I did enjoy the experience and I even got to be an acolyte a for a short while which was great fun.

I met my spiritual teacher when I was about twelve. The experience of my spiritual awakening was not a cosmic circus of blue lights and levitation. It was a profound relief and a feeling that I had finally come home. Eastern philosophy was a new path for me but it didn't feel new, it felt completely natural. There were wonderful stories to enjoy on this path as well but the experience of the Truth was the paramount goal and the methods to attain that goal were quite enjoyable for the most part. I was never an early bird but, luckily for me, I didn't have to be. I must admit that meditating did not always come easily to me. In fact it took me many years to actually crave meditation on a regular basis. Chanting, on the other hand, was heavenly and I could do it anytime and anywhere.

The first chant that I ever attended was Hare Krishna. I was eleven when my dad had brought my sister and I to an ashram for the first time. My cousin had introduced him to the guru and he was pretty much instantly absorbed into his spiritual path. I remember the chanting hall was dimly lit and smelled of sandalwood incense which at the time seemed wonderfully mystical and exotic. I think I tried to follow along for awhile but it was late and I was tired so my dad wrapped me in a blanket and I laid my head in his lap and fell fast asleep. It was the most glorious sleep that I had ever experienced not to mention one of my favorite memories of time spent with dad.

Some months after I returned home from that journey my brother, I think it was my brother, sent me; a photo of the guru, a tape of a slow chant and a beautiful little puja rug. It was a wonderful gift and I put it all to great use. I cleared out half of my closet and created a tiny chanting cave or sacred space if you will. I remember going into my little cave and chanting with great abandon and then dutifully trying to meditate. And so started my spiritual journey. I met my teacher about a year later.

My dad had begun traveling with the guru so visiting dad became a visit to the ashram. There were programs held every evening at that time which included chanting, meditation and spiritual discourse. We did seva, aka selfless service, for a couple of hours a day and sometimes there were Hatha Yoga classes. Spirituality was infused into every aspect of daily life. At the end of every evening program there was darshan, which was a time when one had the opportunity to go in front of the guru and ask a question, just say hello or whatever. As a child, darshan was an especially wonderful experience. I just soaked in the love that poured out of Baba. For me he was a bit like a really loving grandfather whose gifts were far greater than any toy or bauble. Although he did, often times, actually give people presents to boot.
The understanding of God and spirituality at the ashram clicked for me in a way that I had not felt before. That being said, I also was certainly no 'little miss dharmic yogini' neither as a child nor as a teen. I ebbed and flowed like any youngster does... I guess I still do! Ha! Anyway, most of my family ended up living in the ashram or traveling with the guru for many years. My cousin, one sister and my dad lived in this way for over twenty years. My mom and other siblings each for somewhere between ten and twenty years.

The longest period of time that I lived in an ashram was just under three years. For me this was a record! In the past thirty years I haven't lived consistently in any one place for longer than six years and most places for less than three. Not since I left Philadelphia at the ripe old age of nine! I digress... Each time, however brief or long, that I lived in the ashram brought more insights and understanding. Each time that I lived outside of the ashram gave me the opportunity to utilize my new tools. My last extended stay at the ashram my teacher told me that I would have to start looking to my inner guru for answers. It was somewhat frightening but overall an empowering experience to hear those words from my guru who had given me such wonderful guidance for so many years.

That was about thirteen years ago. In the past thirteen years I have continued ebbing and flowing my way towards my true self. Every year the insights seem to be more plentiful and more frequent. I find inspiration in some pretty unusual places and I am learning how to guide and choose my feelings. I am starting to understand, after all of these years, how to truly love and acknowledge myself. I feel my connection so strongly and so much more consistently than I ever have before. Almost as if it was the most natural state in the cosmos! Go figure...

A few weeks ago I was contemplating an idea for a design based on freedom. (I create designs for t-shirts and gifty stuff) I was thinking about an eagle because I actually have a couple of eagles nesting not too far from me and every time that I see them I feel such a rush of joy and awe. So anyway, as I was thinking about what I wanted to do, "Freedom is a choice" popped into my head. (It's an adaptation of an Abraham Lincoln quote; "Happiness is a choice.") As I contemplated those words I felt very light. Freedom really is a choice. I realized that for the past nine months or so I have been actively working on choosing freedom. Freedom from my habits. Freedom from speculation. Freedom from my inner critic. Freedom from the part of me that wants to be right.
I am finding that it gets easier with time. I still have all of the unwanted thoughts popping into my head but the difference is I choose not to engage with them nearly as often as I used to. I am learning and creating tools to allow them to pop right back out again so that I can focus on the truth. I already am free. I just have to choose and be present in my freedom so I can enjoy the ride and continue with the business of creating my beautiful life.

Be the Change!

I recently had an interesting conversation with a bellhop in Austin,Texas. We were discussing politics and the condition of our government. He spoke quite a bit about all of the changes that needed to be made and how our politicians were to blame for not fixing these things. As he spoke it occurred to me that people say this all the time, they complain that our politicians are doing nothing to change the things that we want changed. Well as I see things it's the people, myself included, who are not doing what is necessary to change things. Change comes from an exchange of ideas, it comes from inner resolve and from daily actions. Change does not come from simply voting for the guy who makes the best speeches or who looks good on paper. For the love of Pete, people, change comes from growth and learning. If you want a change then you best be prepared to walk your talk. If you want the world to be a better place then you better start with your very own little universe, my friend. Even better, start with your own body! Eat healthier food, exercise and learn how to be emotionally healthy. Be an example for your friends and family. Treat others the way that you wish to be treated. In fact, start treating yourself the way you wish to be treated! "Be the change that you want to see in the world!" ~ Mahatma Gandhi. I really don't think that it could be stated with a whole heck of a lot more clarity than that, folks.
We all need to buck it up and become our own role models. That's how we can change this country. People, much like animals, learn from example. What would you think if I told you that you should really quit smoking while I puffed away on my pipe? Don't we do this sort of thing all the time. I know that I sure as heck do. Where as I can honestly say that I really started changing my eating habits from watching my friends and family becoming almost exclusively organic food shoppers. And that is in fact probably one of the best examples I could give. Many people are changing their diets in the same way. That has changed not only our local grocery stores but also the huge corporations. Walmart now carries organic produce and products. In fact, they carry Newman's Own, another fantastic example. Who'd a thunk it?
So if you get the urge to complain about things that you are not happy about in this world... Well, perhaps you might consider what small or large action you can take, in your life, to counterbalance those things. Be the change, people. There is no better or faster way to get there. Oh and also remember that we all live in glass houses so please put the stones down.
My rockin' cool girlfriend, Monty, made a simple gesture recently that was absolutely brilliant in my mind. She was speaking to a friend of hers about their kid's education. Her friend said that she wanted her son's education to be... and she raised her hand up high, gesturing high level and a cut above. Monty, dang I love her so much, said, "Well, I want my son's education to be..." and she threw her arms wide in a gesture of expansion and inclusion. Right on, girl! How fantastic would this world be if more parents thought like that. Just imagine...
And on the subject of education, I recently watched a brilliant show on the Sundance Channel called Iconoclasts. In one of the episodes they filmed Mikhail Baryshnikov and Alice Waters hanging out together and discussing... stuff. Alice Waters started a program called The Edible Schoolyard in Oakland, CA. The mission of the Edible Schoolyard at Martin Luther King, Jr. Middle School is to create and sustain an organic garden and landscape that is wholly integrated into the school's curriculum and lunch program. It involves the students in all aspects of farming the garden – along with preparing, serving and eating the food – as a means of awakening their senses and encouraging awareness and appreciation of the transformative values of nourishment, community, and stewardship of the land.
Okay, I have to say that Alice Waters is super fabulous in my book. A couple of things that she said, in Iconoclasts, really hit me. The first thing was about the shopping habits of this day and age. We don't mind spending inordinate amounts of time and money on shopping for clothing, cars and so called luxury items. Yet somehow we want our food shopping to be fast, convenient and cheap. We will put things in our bodies that are of the lowest quality to save time and money. Believe me I ain't throwin' any stones here, I'm as guilty as the next culprit. (Although I have made some changes in the past few years.) Alice preaches eating fresh, local and seasonal foods whenever possible. I can't argue with that. She also spoke about buying from people or companies that have similar values to your own. Well gee, that actually used to be the norm, right? Food for thought!

Here are some pertinent links:

Looking for some way to help? Charity Focus is designed to enable inspired people to contribute in meaningful ways to the world around us. Find your calling @
http://www.bethechange.org/

Interested in finding out more about Alice Waters and Edible Schoolyard?
http://www.edibleschoolyard.org

Looking for greener choices? Here are some consumer guides to help you out:
http://www.voiceyourself.com - Woody Harrelson's how to be a better person site. Fantastic!
http://www.greenerchoices.org - From Consumer Reports - To help you go green!
http://www.newdream.org - Conscious Consumer Home - Green and Socially Aware!

You might be interested to know how Mikhail Baryshnikov is contributing to the arts.
http://www.baryshnikovdancefoundation.org/

Fantastic Gifts

My best friend Pam is one awesome lady. She gave me an early birthday present that was truly fantastic. She gave me an appointment with her "pet communicator". I honestly wasn't entirely sure what to expect... I knew that it would be very interesting but I had no idea how relieving it would be. Y'all might think I am crazy (pardon my y'alls I just returned from Austin) and that's fine, I am proud of my kookiness. I will tell you right now that I am 100% certain that she was speaking to my Little Buddy and my precious lil' geriatric Chihuahua, Mae.
Patty started our phone conversation with some very poignant messages from my Little Buddy, who recently passed at the way too early age of four months. All that I can tell you is that I cried a lot and I did receive some answers too. After I asked a few questions of Buddy I moved on to Mae. I asked Patty to ask her if she minded very much staying with my Mom (who is the only person that she will stay with at all.) Her answer truly floored me. First she said no, that she did not mind, and then she said that she likes chicken. My Mom feeds her chicken every single time that Mae stays with her. When I pick her up after a visit she always laughs and tells me how much Mae enjoyed her chicken.
Patty also gave me some very helpful information about Mae's health and comfort. She recommended that Mae see an animal chiropractor or acupuncturist or both. She also mentioned some flower essences that might help with some of her issues. All in all it was an amazing experience that I will most certainly revisit. My next appointment will focus on my crazy feather pluckin' parrot, Oscar. I look forward to speaking with Patty again. Oh and, by the way, she's also a really cool person to chat with. If you love animals then you'll surely love Patty, she totally rocks!
The conversation with my Lil' Buddy have alleviated a huge amount of my grief. I still miss him, but when I think about him now I am able to focus on the warmth and joy that his presence in my life gave me so readily. I personally believe in reincarnation and I am quite certain that B will come back to me. That being said I also feel his love in my heart right this very minute too. His passing was a hard core test of my emergency dealing system as well as my belief system. My conversation with Patty helped me remember my Truth and put it more firmly into my 'bones' if you will.

Abide in Joy!

http://www.psanimal.com/